I'm a Reluctant Child

I somehow grow into a person who cares less than any normal human being does. I can feel my concern cells slowly rupture and regrow into ignorance. Really.

Call me a reluctant child, but this year I didn't make any effort to celebrate Mother's Day with my mum. I simply wished her 'happy mothers day, mak' in a plain tone and in order to show my affection, I had to kiss her on both cheeks, when she knew exactly the reason I did that was because I had no other way to express my fondness towards her. I didn't cook her breakfast nor lunch nor dinner, I was too lazy to clean the house, I didn't even make her a card. A simple, red-shaped card that says 'the awesomest Mak on earth' which my 12-years-old sister managed to build one. But I didn't.

In the end, Ayah was the one who took us out and had an amazing lunch.

Did I mention that I woke up late the day sambutan Hari Guru was being held at my school? I was taking things for granted. 'Ala hari guru je bukan belajar'. I still remember those days when I was in primary school, I was one of the most spirited, appreciative students. I came to school with a big plastic bag full of mugs and ties and flowers with a bright smile on my face, hoping that my presents are the prettiest among all. I got upset when my parents didn't buy me presents to be given to my teachers. I thought, what am I going to say when my friends ask me 'eh mana hadiah kau?'. I thought, the teacher might love me less than she loves my friends. But as I grow up I learned that teachers are noble people. They never really expect anything from us. This cognition leads to not so good thoughts among the older children. They'll start to think 'ala tak bagi hadiah pun takpe, yang penting kita ikhlas wish hari guru and kita hormat dia'.

Aku lah tu. This is the first year I didn't give anything to my honorable teachers.

Last Sunday was Father's day. I didn't even write 'Hello people, happy fathers day to all fathers out there' on my Facebook wall.

I'm sorry Mak, Ayah & cikgu-cikgu. Next year, I'll perform better.


p. s If you ever discovered me wishing you happy birthday privately & exclusively (not through Facebook wall post), you must be really special to me then.