There wasn't a single day in my current life I spent not thinking of you. Sometimes you did slip out of my mind, but I could assure you that those moments were only for split seconds.
Days and nights when I am not occupied I find you lurking at the back of my mind. I thought I could see you smiling in my head, I thought I was hearing your laughter, I thought we had this kind of thing where when one of us thinks of each other, the other shudders delicately.
But I was wrong. It was a figment of my imagination. It was a bit of your soul too, a part of your soul that you decided to share with me. A part of a soul, a forgotten one. A bit of your soul only I had the chance to feel it.
I thought we had this kind of thing that whenever one of us is thinking something, the other will somehow have the same idea popped out in his head. But I was wrong. It wasn't really you. It was a part of your soul. Something that I have been clinging onto for quite awhile. Something so dark yet beautiful that it hurts my chest whenever I'm thinking of you and yet at the same time I find myself smiling.
It wasn't really you. I was holding onto something so abstract that I couldn't hear it with my ears, taste it with my tongue, see it with my eyes, feel it with my fingers - I couldn't even smell your presence. I was holding onto something unreal, but I know it was there, hanging on my chest, making it heavier days after days. I know it was there, I could feel it, even though I didn't feel it with my 5 basic sensory organs.
Then I realize that it was your soul. A part of your soul that you decided to reveal to only me (I do hope so) and now it eats me daily that I find it hard to even breathe.
Thank God you're 500 miles away from here. The fact that there is a can-be-calculated distance between us somehow makes me saner. Like it reminds me everyday that even though your soul is tip-toeing in my mind, your physical being is not here. It reminds me that I only had your soul, not your whole heart. Thank God I'm no longer in Puncak Alam. Thank God I'm no longer in Selangor. Thank God I'm not stepping the same land as you are, because you see, even this little insignificant fact can make me change my mind. I will have thoughts like, 'he is staring at the same sky, sitting on the same land, breathing the same air, experiencing the same weather, he won't be that far'.
Thank God you're on the different side of the country.
I need to get rid of your horcrux. Your last horcrux. I have destroyed all the other horcruxes - text messages, Facebook messages, your number, your address ; I happily got rid of all of them by acting like I no longer memorise them. Walaupun aku ada memori yang sangat bagus. Now, it is the time that I should be considering destroying your piece of soul in my heart by forgetting you. Everything of you that reminds me of you. And move on with my life.
Thank God Sarawakian boys are all very good-looking ;)
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