and I want You to Know

There will always be calm and quiet evenings that make me feel like lingering and snuggling and laying on my bed forever. And sometimes I regret, thinking that there are so many useful things I can do instead of just dying and then living a new life again after waking up form a long evening nap.

I know myself more than any other person knows me in this world. I just know, in fact I admit I’m a lazy-bum who thinks studies and revisions are required when I’m in an examination year. And besides, to me life isn’t just about studying. Life isn’t just about Add Math. I am sixteen years old, and no one could stop me from enjoying my short teenage life. Some says life is a process of learning. But to me, life is more than just learning. Life needs some playing.

And at the age of 40, I don’t want to wake up with regrets that I actually wasted my life perusing revision books. I don’t want to watch my children playing stuff, with a stab of envy. Instead, I want to tell my children that my childhood life was better. I want to be like Ayah, who made me think that he’s the most adventurous man in the world. I want my children to look up on me the way I adored and looked up on Ayah.

I want them to know that I use to cycle from home to Bazaar Ramadan just to catch up and be with my best friends. And I want them to know that the playground nearby isn’t the only playground I played. I want them to know that the whole Puncak Alam was my playground.

I don’t want to tell them, “I ran so fast, very fast during the school cross country event. Sadly, I didn’t win any medal. But oh well, at least I tried hard”

Instead, I want to tell them, “Cross country? Nah I didn’t run. At all. I went picking the villagers’ rambutans with my friends while watching others ran. It was rambutan season back then, and the Felda people were very nice indeed”

I don’t want to tell them, “I scored A in every exam and test I took. I entered the very best university and got a job as a doctor”

Instead, I want to tell them, “Now, now, it’s okay failing. I failed in my Add Math test too. I still got a place in the UITM nearby and look at me now darling, I’m the Lady Judge who goes gaga everyday” (but I will still remind them no to fail too much. Haha)

I really want them to know that I used to walk from my hidden school way down to the one and only humble cendol stall at Puncak Alam, which under my estimation was about 1 km by walking, just to celebrate my 16^th birthday with my best friends.

I want my children to know that after school, I slept from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. and went out playing with their Mak Su (which is Aini, my sister) and came back home around 6.30 p.m.

I want them to know that back then I was in the awesomest gang ever and I want them to call my best friends as Auntie Alea, Auntie Mera, Auntie Thanuja and Auntie Sashi.

I want them to know that story books can take them everywhere want. I want them to know that the outside world offers so much fun. I want them to know that I PLAYED.

I want them to say, “My mom is the coolest woman ever and I wanna be just like her!”

And I want my husband to say, “Didn’t know my wife was that awesome”

Okay Ja, this is ridiculous. Kau tak lepas SPM pun lagi, dah berangan pasal anak semua. Haish. And you - do you have anything to tell to your kids in the future?