I love the idea of coming to a total unfamiliar place full of unfamiliar people and start all over again from zero. I know this might sound pretentious but I like starting things with rehearsed words and actions. I like doing things when I'm ready. I hate doing unexpected things. Call me rigid, but trust me, I finally know what's the real reason why we all learn how to calculate - it's because when it comes to the right stage, the right period, the right time, you are required to calculate your own life. I'm very lucky that I have been given a chance to count my steps here. I can start a fresh conversation with anyone I like, I no longer get rude or pitiful stares and most importantly I am not getting blindly judged here. No one knows my weaknesses or flaws, they don't become friends of mine simply because of my bitter past. I like it how I am being treated like I'm a white, blank canvas, that they have no input at all about me, that they have nothing to go against me.
I like it how my friends here pay the fullest attention to me. I love it when they look into my eyes like I'm important and relevant. I like being treated like I'm one of them. Even when I have only known them for less than a year. It almost feels like I know them by heart. I like it when they smile and laugh at my jokes - my Semenanjung jokes - even though I always know they haven't had a single clue on what I'm talking about.
I know that none of them can grasp or understand me thoroughly yet, but give them some time. I do hope these people whom I'm still learning about will be the ones I remember and cherish forever. They make me feel like a brand new person.
I feel healed.
Whenever I get sick or tired of the same old lonely place, I guess this will be my solely choice - to start a new life at a new place with new beautiful people (and a bunch of handsome Sarawakian boys, of course).
p.s Wish you guys were here - Alea, Thanuja, Sashi, Ammera, Ama, Shamin