And dude, if you're a stuck-up kid who was born and raised in Semenanjung and apparently feels so superior that you will always ask the same silly question 'korang datang sini naik sampan ke?' to every Sarawakian child you meet, then hell yes, this post is especially dedicated for you.
You stuck-up kid.
First and foremost, no. We DO NOT come to Semenanjung by sampan. Like how shallow can your mind be? Seriouly? Sampan? Is that the best joke you can offer? And even though you're living in ahem, a 'more-developed' state in Malaysia, I almost rake my brains out thinking, 'apesal mamat ni tak paham2 lagi ke Malaysia ada airport?'. Dude, we have tons of airports here and one of them is regarded as the most beautiful and sophisticated in the WORLD. Dude, I can tell these Sarawakian kids - they have been to the magnificent KLIA more than you imagine, more than you yourself have been. Even aku pun jarang turun KLIA. Balik-balik LCCT. Memang tu je standard aku, alhamdulilah. But to mock your own fellow friend who comes from the same noble country as yours, just because you're separated with them by South China Sea and apparently too lazy to do research on how serene the Borneo is, that is NEVER a good thing to do. It makes you look, stupid. We have 8 years to go before we reach the glorious year of 2020, who uses sampan now? Even the hardworking nelayans are using super cool high tech boats that fishes reach your local markets every day. Be open minded. You're 18 not 8.
Secondly, yes we don't have cool malls but yes we wear awesomer clothes than you guys are. You should have seen how these kids bring themselves up. I feel inferior when it comes to dressing up here. Boys wear cool t-shirts with sneakers they frequently change every day. Bila aku tanya, 'eh mana dapat t-shirt OBEY? sini takde kedai OBEY pun?' they'll answer, 'ada lah kedai undergroud kamek org pun'. And I almost choked myself to death when they said they have underground shops. I mean these boys are survivors. They get what they want in their own Sarawakian ways. Girls here, on the other hand, only look up to brands like Roxy and Padini that my bag pack seemingly, finally looks like a school girl's bag with cartoons like Barbie and ponies on it. (And yes they have Roxy and Padini, kat Spring). The choices are limited but hell, it's because of the limited choices lah that they HAVE to buy what's available left. Macam aku ni. Ye lah kan, kan byk pilihan kat Shah Alam kan, and salah satu pilihannya ialah TESCO. Trust me, my family and I are the most loyal customers of TESCO that we buy everything-TESCO-branded, including clothes. No I ain't kidding, they're pretty. (and murah plak tu). So yeah. I wish I had grew up in Kuching. So that I'd be buying only Roxy, Padini, Nichii for the rest of my life.
Thirdly no we don't have TESCO but we have Everise, H&L, e-mart, UNACO and tons of other weirdly-named supermarkets that we never starve here. And the standards are satisfactorily set up. The shelves are neat, the environment is clean, the goods are easily accesible - basically what you see in TESCO is what you will almost see here jugak. Though I must admit TESCO has a special place in my heart. (What? I practically grow up with TESCO!). You can never not find anything you can find in Semenanjung in Kuching, Sarawak, because well - (I hate that I have to explain this all over again) we are a developed country that sources reach nation-wide. Don't be so daft. We eat fine rice too here, with fresh vegetables and newly-caught seafood. In fact it's because we're living too damn close with rivers that we receive more quality sources of protein than you guys are. We eat what you eat, okay. Bukan ulat ke apa. Tu makanan tradisional org, jgn kutuk. Dah tau duduk kat Malaysia yang berbilang kaum ni, nak jugak berperangai racist. Respect sikit. And oh, except for the fact that roti Gardenia are rarely found here (mostly tak sampai sini pun), I am content and full and never starve, alhamdulilah.
The fourth point is - you won't find any dumb political radicals here. Rascals are a lot, I can't deny - even Mat Rempit species exist here, but snobbish-know-it-all-radical people who talk about politics 24/7? No, I'm sorry you won't find them here. Salah negeri kot, kau. Hahaha. People here are nice and polite. They never really discuss about politics during family visits. It's because they are sensible enough of what's wrong and what's right, what should be done and what shouldn't be done. To them, whatever they have now is thank God, adequately provided already that talks about politics seem to be a waste of time. The old folks prefer listening to Sarawak fm than involving themselves in political chats. And sini jarang ada kedai kopi, sbb tu lah orang jarang sembang pasal politik. They have cool kopitiams that laksa sarawak and mee kolok are too irresistible and therefore should be put forth than an empty-not-giving-any-results conversation. (Betul tak? Kau cita pasal politik pun bukan boleh buat apa). In fact, my close friend too, has a totally different view of politics than mine and obviously supports the other party, but hell - we rock every day and her dorm is my second home.
And last but not least, as much as you think we're totally different from you guys are, I feel obligated to tell you that no, we're not really that striking different. We don't wear cawats and stroll around the vibrant city of Kuching as we please, we wear modern clothes like you guys. We don't live on trees for heaven's sake, we live in modern houses, we listen to Fly fm too, though most of these people still have a tight grip on their tradional music base. We watch TV1, TV2, TV3 and hell, we even subscribe Astro. Most of us here are educated, the children are schooled, the adults are working and the old folks are living their serene lives to the fullest. We read Utusan Malaysia, Metro, Berita Harian, though I must say, Utusan Borneo is one hell of a newspaper (because they include Kamus Bahasa Iban! like how awesome is that?). Dude, most of us are speaking the same language too, different semantics and slang, but it's literally the same - Bahasa Melayu. Kamek sayang kitak simply means saya sayang awak and kamek lapar also simply mean I'm freaking hungry.
See? I can never comprehend how some people can be so narrow-minded. I mean, dude, Sarawakians are Malaysians too, not Indonesians or Vietnamese. And even if we're talking about other citzens, thank goodness most of us Malaysians are luckier than other citizens, you NEVER have the right to mock other people according to your needs. It's just not nice and simply against humanity.
Open your mind. There's a whole other world outside you don't even realize exist.
Author's note ; Please pardon my unpleasant language, it was written simply for the purpose of making everything sounds awesomer and yes, I agree - not all Semenanjung people are like I described. Like I said, this post has nothing to do with anyone and is solely for the purpose of entertainment, thank you very much :)