Wednesday, May 15, 2013

'Do not bruise me again' says Ego

Within this crumbling skin of mine, there live a few of my friends I can't seem to brush them of. They are Loneliness, Happiness, Casualty, Confidence, Grace and Ego.

Loneliness is a very depressed-looking boy who slips in my bed every night. He whispers despaired thoughts   and sings sad lullabies before I go to bed. He doesn't like crowded places and he'll hide whenever I'm with Happiness. I hate his guts, I hate his negativity. I hate how he makes me cry to sleep, I hate Loneliness. But no matter how hard I try to avoid him, I owe him my lonely nights for he's always there.

Happiness, on the other hand, is my favourite among all. But there's a catch - I can't seem to find her often. When she does come around, it will always be those moments when I spend time with my loved ones. Happiness once taught me one thing, that she is simple, therefore it's simple to seek for her - appreciate little things. I love it when she tags along during simple trips and long drives with my family or friends. She sits besides me when I eat lunch with my college friends, she embraces me joyfully when I receive good results in exams, she smiles and shines when my parents smile.

Now Casualty is the coolest, youngest boy in the gang. He has this casual smirk on his face that he picks up from Draco Malfoy when we watch Harry Potter movie series together. He presents me with the most convincing mask ever existed. I always put on this mask to hide Loneliness. Casualty keeps me survived by encouraging me to calm down and just absorb everything. Casualty doesn't talk much anyway. He's more to action. When he's around, I become very presentable and pleasant.

Confidence is a very shy but well-composed boy. He's the eldest among all. He's very wise, though he always undermines himself. Out of all, I always find that I need him the most. He's the one who attracts others to become my friends, he is why mere acquaintances become closer people. Unlike Loneliness who bothers me every night, Confidence helps me in most ways. I owe him my excellent presentations when he's high. When he's down, however, is another different case. I'll hate myself when he does that. He's the most essential I have to admit.

Grace is a very sweet-looking girl who emerges only when she is needed. She's nice, goody-goody and all, but sometimes I do think  that she's a bit hypocritical. I mean she'll only come around when I'm with the elders, yknow - my pakciks makciks and sedara mara. When I'm with my friends however, I can be quite certain that she won't be around. Grace once told me that as a girl, I should have made her my best friend instead of Ego.

Last but not least, Ego. He's my best friend. I spend more time with him than others. He's tall and has these dark eyes and a very handsome face with a sarcastic, loop-sided smile. He's a bit weird, I think he's probably the second child of his family. I kinda have this love-hate relationship with him. I love it when he makes me feel triumph after delivering quick and witty remarks to those who deserve them. But when the triumph wears off  I often feel guilty and I hate him for making me feel like I'm hurting the whole world. He hurts everyone, he hurts my parents, my friends, sometimes he even hurts me. And he never says sorry. The only thing why I'm still holding on is the fact that he always gets my back whenever someone hurts me too. He would tell me 'no Ja, this time I will hate you if you bruise me again by saying sorry to that pathetic excuse of a boy you called boyfriend. He is not worth your sorry'. When these times come, Ego always win, thus I never say sorry, especially to unworthy one. Ego said 'a chance is given only once' and I believed in it.

So when I ever choose you over Ego, know that I love you more than I uphold Ego.

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